Does family size matter?

I watched a new episode of "19 and Counting," a show on TLC about the Duggar family who just added baby #19 to their family in December.  With baby Josie being born 3 months premature, I can't help but wonder if this will be the caboose to the train of Duggar children.  After all, 19 kids?  While you may have the financial means to care for 19 kids, what about the quality of time that parents should spend with their children?  I have only 3 kids and there were times that I felt stretched thin.  But 19??  No way!!  I would have been ready for the funny farm after about a half dozen!!

How can one Mom and one Dad meet all the love and nurturing needed for 19 kids?

My Mom was one of 10 children.  She was number 9 and was 17 years younger than her oldest sibling.  There were times when she resented them as they took on the roles of "Mom and Dad."  I understand the Duggars actually assign an older child to a younger child.  I have watched episodes where Mom hands off her babies to older children as if somehow it isn't her responsibility to take care of the children that she chose to birth.

Where do you draw the line between a child's responsibilities and a parent's in caring for smaller siblings?

As a parent myself, I can't help but think how much they are missing in the one-on-one department with so many small children to nurture at one time.  The Duggar home has less adult one-on-one nurturing on a daily basis than most orphanages or childcare facilities.  Hmmmmm...something to think about. 

Are we harming our children as we have become "doting parents" with our family size now at 3.2?

The average size of families in the U.S. has been shrinking for years.  In 2008, it was 3.2.  Subtract Mom and Dad, you essentially have only one child.  Or, there could be two kids and one parent, considering that 40% of the children born in 2006 were to single-parent homes.  Anyway you look at it, less children to a family in America today is the norm.  The parental dynamics are changing, too.  More grandparents are taking care of grandchildren today than any other time in history.  Are all these changes good for families, the foundation to what has helped build America?

It's going to be interesting to see how well the Duggar children turn out.  Will all of them be prepared for college after spending all their school years being home-schooled? Will all of them marry and have large families of their own?  Will all of them be well-adjusted adults without divorces, drug use, criminal issues, and all the other stuff that families deal with today?   The answer is probably no to all these questions.  But then, we face the same problems in our smaller families.

Obviously size isn't the only consideration that determines well-adjusted, successful, and happy families.

Does anyone still believe in happily ever after?

Did you know that 40% of children born in 2007 were to single parent families? Do Americans really think that a child doesn't benefit from having two parents living under the same roof? Has the high divorce rate of our parents and grandparents taught the younger generations that marriage is all make believe? 64% of women and 50% of men who marry before age 24 will divorce.

Does anyone still believe in happily ever after?

I was rather shocked by a conversation I overheard between my three sons regarding prenuptial agreements. I heard their own pessimism about marriage and how legal documents before the I do's seemed totally logical. My boys, whose parents have never experienced divorce and are still married after 28 years, obviously have reservations about the happily ever after, too.

What has happened in America to change the fabric regarding the roles of marriage, parenthood, and family?


While the 70's ushered in the right for women to end their pregnancies, abortions have steadily declined since the early 90's as women choose to have their babies. Newborn adoptions have become rare as women have no qualms about raising their children without the added bonus of a father and husband. While most people applaud the pro-choice decisions, this has contributed to the increase in single-parent numbers. What it doesn't explain is why there is so little commitment from the parents-to-be when it comes to nurturing their children together under the same roof. What is up with that?

Bringing up children is hard work! Looking back, I am thankful my husband and I chose marriage and stayed committed to one another as we reared our children. While I hope our children will one day appreciate their one family unit, we didn't get married only because we wanted to have children and we haven't stayed married just for their benefit either. The same logic must apply for single parents today.

The upcoming birth of a child is obviously no longer a reason to marry. Is this a good thing?

Besides reasons like love and respect, I wish I could tell you what the magic formula has been for us. I asked my husband to give me one word to answer this very question and his response was "tolerate!" Well, he did chuckle when he said it! There are times where tolerance is part of the equation! While I cannot pinpoint one particular trait, I think one crucial element has been that Steve and I generally like one another. Just like in the movie, "When Harry met Sally," there is something to be said for sharing a healthy friendship with your spouse, too. With a healthy dose of friendship, love, respect, loyalty, selfless giving, and yes, even tolerance, flows much easier.

The good news is that the divorce rate has begun decreasing, particularly among those who wait until after age 24 to marry. I believe that marriages can last until "death do us part." I believe that children benefit from having a two-parent home and that marriage should come first.

OK..so I believe in the fairy tale! Doesn't everyone love a happy ending?